I've had two appointments with the dietitian so far. I really like her. She's not actually in the same city as me - she's in Vancouver - so I have my appointments by Skype. I've actually never Skyped before these appointments, and I don't mind it at all.
Anyway, there's been a lot of talk with the dietitian, with the nurse, and with my psychiatrist about changing habits and ways of doing things. The dietitian has been careful to remind me that the band is a tool, not something that will automatically limit my intake, and that how well I do is really up to how well I learn to use this tool. My dietitian believes that nothing is necessarily off-limits after the surgery (except for foods I don't tolerate, and foods during the healing phases). Once I'm clear to eat a full diet, the choices are mine.
I've had a few moments over the last couple days where I realize my thoughts and behaviours about food are beginning to change - already! My boyfriend's kids are at their mom's house for a few days, so we have been puttering about this weekend. We were filling their Christmas stockings up, and I had 2 chocolate kisses.
2. That's all.
In the past, I would have had at least a dozen, probably more. But I had 2, and I didn't really need the second one, in hindsight.
I also baked cookies tonight, and I had one small one. Not a half dozen plus a huge glump of cookie dough. No cookie dough, and just one small cookie.
I'm very proud of myself, and I feel like I'm really getting what life will be like with the Lap-Band. I can have one chocolate kiss. Not one chocolate kiss every hour, but one after dinner, once or twice a week. I can have a small cookie. I can have a few fries. What I can't have are the massive portions I've been used to eating, and I am very okay with that!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Time to participate!
Wow. I do a lot of blog lurking (is that called blurking?) but I haven't written in a long time.
So, after a too-fatty liver and some other health problems that delayed surgery, I am finally moving forward: I'm getting my Lap-Band on January 14, 2014, and I can honestly say I am crazy excited! I start my pre-op diet on January 1. What a way to start the new year!
So I've spent the last couple months doing research, having my dietitian appointments (I <3 my dietitian!), doing some meal planning, paying for the procedure (gulp!), and trying to lose a few pounds before January.
We are going away at Christmas. The manfriend and kids and I are going to Disneyland, Legoland, and then a few days up in San Francisco. I'm going to try hard not to binge eat my final couple weeks of "freedom." We don't come home until the 5th of January, so I'm going to be taking a case of Boost Diabetic with me on the trip - lucky me!
In less than a month, I'll be banded and on my way! Any advice for a soon-to-be new bandster?
So, after a too-fatty liver and some other health problems that delayed surgery, I am finally moving forward: I'm getting my Lap-Band on January 14, 2014, and I can honestly say I am crazy excited! I start my pre-op diet on January 1. What a way to start the new year!
So I've spent the last couple months doing research, having my dietitian appointments (I <3 my dietitian!), doing some meal planning, paying for the procedure (gulp!), and trying to lose a few pounds before January.
We are going away at Christmas. The manfriend and kids and I are going to Disneyland, Legoland, and then a few days up in San Francisco. I'm going to try hard not to binge eat my final couple weeks of "freedom." We don't come home until the 5th of January, so I'm going to be taking a case of Boost Diabetic with me on the trip - lucky me!
In less than a month, I'll be banded and on my way! Any advice for a soon-to-be new bandster?
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Ten things!
Had another appointment on Friday - looks like my liver is well enough to go ahead with the Lap-Band surgery. I should get my surgery date early next week.
I was in the bathtub this afternoon, soaking away a rather chilly morning spent outside for the smallest kidlet's 6th birthday party, and I started thinking about the things I look forward to once some of this weight is off of me.
1) First off, being able to be in the bathtub, and have more water volume in the tub than fat volume. Imagine having water cover me, instead of my body poking out of a few inches of water?!?!
2) Not having to worry about whether airplane seatbelts will fit me (I've only had to ask for an extender once, on a very small plane, but the whole thought of it worries me.)
3) Being able to buy calf-high boots that I can actually zip up.
4) Being able to buy an athletic cut swimsuit again, instead of a frumpy one with no support for actual athletic endeavours.
5) Being able to buy sexy undies.
6) Not being too fat to go ziplining, or skydiving, or bungee jumping, or any other slightly crazy things. (I did go parasailing a couple years ago, but I just squeaked under the weight limit).
7) Being able to buy a women's wetsuit, instead of my current men's 3XL.
8) Being able to fit in my whitewater kayak again.
9) Not having to huff and puff while hiking a few kilometres.
10) Feeling like myself again!
I find it interesting that a bunch of these relate to sports and other outdoor activities. When I saw my doctor on Friday, he asked what my main motivation was for getting the Lap-Band. My response was: "so that I can do all the activities and sports I once loved to do!" Verbal-diarrhea-style, I started rambling "hiking, biking, backpacking, swimming, trail running, paddling, climbing, adventure races, dogsledding, snowshoeing, skiing." He said that was the best motivation he ever heard, which makes me feel good.
Curious as to the things other people looked forward to!
I was in the bathtub this afternoon, soaking away a rather chilly morning spent outside for the smallest kidlet's 6th birthday party, and I started thinking about the things I look forward to once some of this weight is off of me.
1) First off, being able to be in the bathtub, and have more water volume in the tub than fat volume. Imagine having water cover me, instead of my body poking out of a few inches of water?!?!
2) Not having to worry about whether airplane seatbelts will fit me (I've only had to ask for an extender once, on a very small plane, but the whole thought of it worries me.)
3) Being able to buy calf-high boots that I can actually zip up.
4) Being able to buy an athletic cut swimsuit again, instead of a frumpy one with no support for actual athletic endeavours.
5) Being able to buy sexy undies.
6) Not being too fat to go ziplining, or skydiving, or bungee jumping, or any other slightly crazy things. (I did go parasailing a couple years ago, but I just squeaked under the weight limit).
7) Being able to buy a women's wetsuit, instead of my current men's 3XL.
8) Being able to fit in my whitewater kayak again.
9) Not having to huff and puff while hiking a few kilometres.
10) Feeling like myself again!
I find it interesting that a bunch of these relate to sports and other outdoor activities. When I saw my doctor on Friday, he asked what my main motivation was for getting the Lap-Band. My response was: "so that I can do all the activities and sports I once loved to do!" Verbal-diarrhea-style, I started rambling "hiking, biking, backpacking, swimming, trail running, paddling, climbing, adventure races, dogsledding, snowshoeing, skiing." He said that was the best motivation he ever heard, which makes me feel good.
Curious as to the things other people looked forward to!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Motivational Mondays
My motivation this week comes from my love of crocheting (and crafting in general).
Yarn is expensive. I fly a lot for work, so I often crochet while waiting in airports and on flights. Awhile ago, while working on a pair of socks, a lady commented on how much money I must save by crocheting my own socks. I just about spit out my Jugo Juice smoothie (I'll save my love of Jugo Juice for another post). I smiled politely, and told her that the yarn for these particular socks was more than $20 for the skein. That, combined with the 10 or so hours it was going to take me to finish them made for a very expensive pair of foot coverings.
Anyway, I digress. It occurred to me today while yarn shopping that the weight I lose will result in direct savings in yarn costs. The smaller the size I wear = the smaller the pattern = less yarn required. This may seem trivial, but when you're buying 5 balls of yarn for a sweater, and each ball is upwards of $20 (hey, I like the fine things in life), saving one or two balls adds up to a lot.
Never mind the time savings! Crocheting a medium vs. a XXL? Crazy! Plus there are infinitely more patterns for the regular sizes (small - large) than there are for plus sizes.
I think I've just hit a mental jackpot. It's funny where motivation can come from!
Yarn is expensive. I fly a lot for work, so I often crochet while waiting in airports and on flights. Awhile ago, while working on a pair of socks, a lady commented on how much money I must save by crocheting my own socks. I just about spit out my Jugo Juice smoothie (I'll save my love of Jugo Juice for another post). I smiled politely, and told her that the yarn for these particular socks was more than $20 for the skein. That, combined with the 10 or so hours it was going to take me to finish them made for a very expensive pair of foot coverings.
Anyway, I digress. It occurred to me today while yarn shopping that the weight I lose will result in direct savings in yarn costs. The smaller the size I wear = the smaller the pattern = less yarn required. This may seem trivial, but when you're buying 5 balls of yarn for a sweater, and each ball is upwards of $20 (hey, I like the fine things in life), saving one or two balls adds up to a lot.
Never mind the time savings! Crocheting a medium vs. a XXL? Crazy! Plus there are infinitely more patterns for the regular sizes (small - large) than there are for plus sizes.
I think I've just hit a mental jackpot. It's funny where motivation can come from!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Too fat to fit
I went camping this weekend with girlfriends. Had a fantastic time... a bit cold, a bit rainy, but the sun came out and we went biking, hiking, and had some awesome times (and drinks) around the campfire.
It was super cold on Saturday night, so I decided to cozy up in my sleeping bag. Normally I'm a hot sleeper, and I usually just through my sleeping bag over myself and just kind of zip it up to my knees. As I went to zip my toasty sleeping bag all the way up, it got stuck.
I twisted. I pulled. I shifted. I yanked. I struggled. It wasn't a stuck zipper. The object inside the bag was too large to be zipped up.
Yup. I'm too fat to fit in my sleeping bag.
It was a cold, cold night. In many ways.
It was super cold on Saturday night, so I decided to cozy up in my sleeping bag. Normally I'm a hot sleeper, and I usually just through my sleeping bag over myself and just kind of zip it up to my knees. As I went to zip my toasty sleeping bag all the way up, it got stuck.
I twisted. I pulled. I shifted. I yanked. I struggled. It wasn't a stuck zipper. The object inside the bag was too large to be zipped up.
Yup. I'm too fat to fit in my sleeping bag.
It was a cold, cold night. In many ways.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Damn liver! Shrink!!!
Okay, to be completely honest, the liver shrinking diet is HARD. Not that I thought it would be easy, but it's much, much harder than I thought it would be.
So, on the recommendation of my surgeon, I'm on a diet that is supposed to shrink my liver to a more normal size, and make it possible for me to go through surgery successfully. I'm supposed to have two protein shakes per day, and then a regular evening meal.
The protein shakes aren't that bad. The brand the dietitian suggested comes in not-overly-disgusting flavours like cake batter and brownie batter. They keep you full for long enough. They're easy enough to make.
But a protein shake is not food. I can't chew it. I can't swallow huge half-chewed chunks of food that satisfy me in some weird way. I can't stuff my face full of it, and let my feelings melt away as I eat... then overeat... then continue eating far past full. The problem with the protein shakes is that they are a twice-daily reminder of all the problems I have with food in the first place. By consuming the protein shakes instead of my regular over-indulgences, I have to face the fact that if I want to go through with the surgery and change myself, my eating habits will need to permanently change. Forever. End of story.
And that is hard to swallow, huh?
So, on the recommendation of my surgeon, I'm on a diet that is supposed to shrink my liver to a more normal size, and make it possible for me to go through surgery successfully. I'm supposed to have two protein shakes per day, and then a regular evening meal.
The protein shakes aren't that bad. The brand the dietitian suggested comes in not-overly-disgusting flavours like cake batter and brownie batter. They keep you full for long enough. They're easy enough to make.
But a protein shake is not food. I can't chew it. I can't swallow huge half-chewed chunks of food that satisfy me in some weird way. I can't stuff my face full of it, and let my feelings melt away as I eat... then overeat... then continue eating far past full. The problem with the protein shakes is that they are a twice-daily reminder of all the problems I have with food in the first place. By consuming the protein shakes instead of my regular over-indulgences, I have to face the fact that if I want to go through with the surgery and change myself, my eating habits will need to permanently change. Forever. End of story.
And that is hard to swallow, huh?
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
To tell or not to tell, is the question of the day
Did you tell people about your Lap-Band? Should I tell people about my impending procedure?
My boyfriend knows, obviously. My sister and my dad know, and my dad's wife. I assume my sister's husband knows. That's all. Haven't told anyone else, and I'm not exactly at the beginning of the process.
My very first consultation was in May of 2012. At the time, I couldn't afford the Lap-Band, and was too stubborn to ask my dad to help me out (even though, as he tells me now, I really should have just asked). So I spent a year and a bit mulling it over, reading stuff, going to the seminars, trying to convince myself that I can lose weight on my own, all the while gaining almost 20 pounds.
So here I sit. Surgery date booked (October 11). Liver shrinking diet begun. Liquid diet to being in a couple weeks. And almost no one knows.
Now, my friends are definitely going to notice if all of a sudden I stop "social eating." Snacks are abundant at our get-togethers, socializing over dinners, and at the weekly stitch 'n bitch. I camp and hike a lot with friends, they'll notice when my food consumption goes from massive to menial.
Here's what I'm afraid of: I'm afraid that people will think that I'm copping out by having the Lap-Band and taking the easy way out; that I don't have to work as hard as other people; or, that I have an excess of money. None of those things are true, but I am bothered by the fact that someone might think one of those things of me. And in turn, I'm bothered that at the age of 32, I still care what people think.
Are my friends going to care? I hope not. My family didn't - in fact, they were more supportive than I was expecting. But weight-loss surgery is like the military, or vaccines, or religion. It seems like everyone has a strong opinion that they are unwavering on.
Do I tell? Did you tell?
My boyfriend knows, obviously. My sister and my dad know, and my dad's wife. I assume my sister's husband knows. That's all. Haven't told anyone else, and I'm not exactly at the beginning of the process.
My very first consultation was in May of 2012. At the time, I couldn't afford the Lap-Band, and was too stubborn to ask my dad to help me out (even though, as he tells me now, I really should have just asked). So I spent a year and a bit mulling it over, reading stuff, going to the seminars, trying to convince myself that I can lose weight on my own, all the while gaining almost 20 pounds.
So here I sit. Surgery date booked (October 11). Liver shrinking diet begun. Liquid diet to being in a couple weeks. And almost no one knows.
Now, my friends are definitely going to notice if all of a sudden I stop "social eating." Snacks are abundant at our get-togethers, socializing over dinners, and at the weekly stitch 'n bitch. I camp and hike a lot with friends, they'll notice when my food consumption goes from massive to menial.
Here's what I'm afraid of: I'm afraid that people will think that I'm copping out by having the Lap-Band and taking the easy way out; that I don't have to work as hard as other people; or, that I have an excess of money. None of those things are true, but I am bothered by the fact that someone might think one of those things of me. And in turn, I'm bothered that at the age of 32, I still care what people think.
Are my friends going to care? I hope not. My family didn't - in fact, they were more supportive than I was expecting. But weight-loss surgery is like the military, or vaccines, or religion. It seems like everyone has a strong opinion that they are unwavering on.
Do I tell? Did you tell?
Saturday, September 14, 2013
I'm gonna miss it... I'm really gonna miss it...
The last week or so has been incredibly hectic - moving out of my office, unpacking our house, the start of the school year for the kidlets, etc., etc. The kidlets are now tucked in bed, so I finally have a chance to sit, relax a bit, think, reflect (scary!!!).
So my thinking this evening gets me onto the topic of things I'm giving up in order to succeed with the Lap-Band. There are the physical things, and the mental.
The mental "give-ups" are going to be tough, for example...
So my thinking this evening gets me onto the topic of things I'm giving up in order to succeed with the Lap-Band. There are the physical things, and the mental.
The mental "give-ups" are going to be tough, for example...
- eating until overstuffed to combat feelings of loneliness, anxiety, sadness
- feeling sorry for myself because I'm fat
Some of the physical "give-ups" are going to be difficult, like...
- breads, pastries, donuts, most simple carbohydrates
- fast foods
But the one things I am really going to miss is the one thing I have to cut out entirely, to avoid stretching my new pouch: SODA. I <3 pop! Now, I'm not in any means an addict, but I definitely enjoy one or two Coke Zeroes every evening. I've read a lot, and had my dietitian inform me, that carbonated beverages can cause the pouch to stretch. The more the pouch stretches, the more food it holds, which reduces the restriction you feel.
"Soda, my dearest,
I love your fizzy deliciousness.
I love the cold, bubbly, trail that goes from my mouth to my stomach.
But, on my new journey in healthiness, I have to give you up.
You and I can no longer be friends, though I will always think of you fondly.
Love, Kat."
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Cheesecake woes
We just had a very busy weekend; we moved, school for the boys is starting, and my dad was visiting/helping. I didn't spend a whole lot of time this weekend thinking about healthy choices, nor did I get out and get any activity in.
I'm on the path to getting "banded" - I'm having a Lap-Band installed (is that the right word?) in about a month. Since I'm not on a weight-loss program dictated by an insurance company, my surgery isn't riding on the requirement that I lose a certain number of pounds before the procedure. This has put me in a rather odd situation: I am having a hard time convincing myself to make smarter choices, since I've "only got" a few weeks left to binge, overeat, and make unhealthy decisions. In fact, I'm making worse choices than I was before I decided to go ahead with the band.
Tonight we went out for dinner with my dad. We've been eating out all weekend since we have no food in our house. And no idea where our dishes are :) I had my meal, and then ordered a piece of cheesecake for dessert. Now, I do have a sweet tooth, but I could have shared a piece with my dad or my boyfriend. Instead I ate the whole damn thing. And felt guilty, frustrated, helpless, embarrassed, and overly stuffed afterwards.
I'm sitting here now wondering what my motivation was, and whether the Lap-Band is really the answer. If I knowingly make poor choices before the Lap-Band, is the band really going to stop me from making poor choices in the future? I've read a lot - "the band does 20% of the work, and you do the other 80%," "the band is a tool in your weight-loss toolbox." If I lose 5 or 10 pounds BEFORE the band, isn't that just a bonus amount that I don't have to worry about with the band?
Why is this so hard?
Damn the cherry cheesecake.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Moving right along
I had my second appointment today at the Surgical Centre where I'm having (hoping to have) surgery and a Lap-Band inserted around my stomach.
Things are progressing quickly compared to stories I've heard. Way up here in Canada, our single-payer health care system (aka "universal" or "free") does not cover the cost of the Lap-Band procedure, and in many provinces does not even cover other types of bariatric surgery. Since I'm self-employed and have the benefit of our health care system where most things I'll ever need are provided for me, I have a pretty craptastic secondary health plan. Covers a bit of dental, a few hundred dollars of medication, and some other odds and ends (great hearing aid coverage!), but doesn't even come close to paying for something like Lap-Band. Which, from what I've heard, might be a blessing in disguise. Yes, I will need to come up with about $18,500 on my own, but on the other hand, I don't need to wait for bureaucratic insurance claims to be denied and appealed, denied and appealed, nor do I have to spend months losing weight in order to prove I can lose weight (a policy that seems really bizarre to me).
So, basically, it looks like my surgery will be October 11, 2013. I really like the PA (physician's assistant) at the clinic - she's awesome. The surgeon seems a bit... dry...? Crusty...? But he's not the one I'll be dealing with for care, fills, and support after, it's the PA and her nurses. In the next month and a half, I'll have a physical exam, an appointment with the dietitian, an appointment with a psychologist, the pre-op diet (yuk!), then it's just a matter of paying the nice people with scalpels, and I'll be off and running. Literally and figuratively.
Now, I know y'all don't really know me yet... (sometimes I wonder if I really know myself). So here are a few numbers I put together to better introduce myself:
Things are progressing quickly compared to stories I've heard. Way up here in Canada, our single-payer health care system (aka "universal" or "free") does not cover the cost of the Lap-Band procedure, and in many provinces does not even cover other types of bariatric surgery. Since I'm self-employed and have the benefit of our health care system where most things I'll ever need are provided for me, I have a pretty craptastic secondary health plan. Covers a bit of dental, a few hundred dollars of medication, and some other odds and ends (great hearing aid coverage!), but doesn't even come close to paying for something like Lap-Band. Which, from what I've heard, might be a blessing in disguise. Yes, I will need to come up with about $18,500 on my own, but on the other hand, I don't need to wait for bureaucratic insurance claims to be denied and appealed, denied and appealed, nor do I have to spend months losing weight in order to prove I can lose weight (a policy that seems really bizarre to me).
So, basically, it looks like my surgery will be October 11, 2013. I really like the PA (physician's assistant) at the clinic - she's awesome. The surgeon seems a bit... dry...? Crusty...? But he's not the one I'll be dealing with for care, fills, and support after, it's the PA and her nurses. In the next month and a half, I'll have a physical exam, an appointment with the dietitian, an appointment with a psychologist, the pre-op diet (yuk!), then it's just a matter of paying the nice people with scalpels, and I'll be off and running. Literally and figuratively.
Now, I know y'all don't really know me yet... (sometimes I wonder if I really know myself). So here are a few numbers I put together to better introduce myself:
- 31 - years old (32 in a month)
- 303 - number of pounds I currently weigh
- 180 - the weight I was in high school, when I was a competitive swimmer
- 69 - inches tall... :)
- 2.9 - GPA in undergrad studies
- 75 - number of kilometres I've hiked in one trip (took 6 days!)
- 32 - number of US states I've traveled to
- 8 - number of Canadian provinces and territories I've visited
- dozens - 5K and 10K runs finished
- 2 - number of half-marathons completed
- 2:32:32 - time on the faster of the two half-marathons
- 0 - number of runs I've completed since 2005 :(
- 169 - the weight at which my BMI will be in the "normal" category
- 185 - the weight at which I think I'll be happy
- 1 - boyfriend (aka manfriend)
- 2 - stepsons (manfriend's kidlets)
- 1 - cat (Marbles, Bengal x tabby)
- 1 - dog (Rocky, boxer x English bulldog)
- 8,756,491 - times I've attempted weight loss in the last decade or so...
- Kat xxx
Allow me to introduce myself...
I see that there have already been a couple people to view my blog, which, honestly, baffles the crap out of me.
My name's Kat. I'm almost 32 years old, and I live in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada (affectionately known as "Winterpeg.") I live with my boyfriend and his two boys (I call them my stepsons... ), one cat, one dog, a fish tank, and a partridge in a pear tree. I'm currently transitioning from a job to making money doing what I'm passionate about.
What else?
I'm fat. I'm not overweight, not obese, I now fit into the unfortunate category of "morbidly obsese." How did I get here? That, my new internet friends, is a long story which I hope plays out on this blog. How do I get out of the fat suit? Stay tuned!
I've always found writing to be therapeutic and often cathartic. I hope this blog keeps me honest to myself, the process I'm embarking upon, and to you.
- Kat
My name's Kat. I'm almost 32 years old, and I live in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada (affectionately known as "Winterpeg.") I live with my boyfriend and his two boys (I call them my stepsons... ), one cat, one dog, a fish tank, and a partridge in a pear tree. I'm currently transitioning from a job to making money doing what I'm passionate about.
What else?
I'm fat. I'm not overweight, not obese, I now fit into the unfortunate category of "morbidly obsese." How did I get here? That, my new internet friends, is a long story which I hope plays out on this blog. How do I get out of the fat suit? Stay tuned!
I've always found writing to be therapeutic and often cathartic. I hope this blog keeps me honest to myself, the process I'm embarking upon, and to you.
- Kat
Monday, August 26, 2013
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